What is sibling rivalry and how to deal with it?
Every parents having more than one child in home is known to face issues of sibling rivalry. Fighting for front seat in the car, first bite of the cake or the best bicycle is some of the common complaints parents hear from their children. Sibling rivalry or competition is more or less a completely normal behavior shown by children to an extent, but things can go bad if it is appreciated or ignored.
To some extent sibling rivalry or fights are compulsory to build a communication and bond between siblings, but the extended or out of controlled version often ends up in creating hatred, jealousy and envy feeling among siblings.
Apart from toys and normal needs, siblings also tend to fight over attention of their parents, there are many other factors causing sibling rivalry.
Some children fight over the issue of parent attention, as with multiple children parent tend to divide their time and attention. Many children develop a feeling of being less-loved by their parents and grab grudge or sadness inside them, which makes them behave badly with their brother or sister. Such kind of trouble is often found in older siblings, as they feel being ignored on arrival of a new baby at home, they are the ones more preached for learning things as they are older or they are the ones often asked to share their toys.
Often, good remarks over one of the sibling’s performance or behavior can also lead other child in getting envious and upset, developing anger against the other child.
Other reasons causing sibling rivalry are situations when one of the children is handicapped or is gifted with a talent, where one of the children is adopted, where parents tend to take sides over differences or where one of the children is not receiving the right attention.
Common outburst of sibling rivalry is teasing remarks, physical violence, calling names, yelling and not talking to each other.
The best way to deal this kind of rivalry where one kid is feeling ignored and less loved, is to divide equal time among each child. Parents need to devote time to each child individually and discuss about their day, things they like and don’t. Parents also need to spend little more time with their elder child and let them feel that they are still an important part of the home.
In order to develop love and bond among siblings, parents also need to make them realize their responsibility towards their brother or sister. Teach your older child that he or she is responsible for the behavior of the younger one and that his/her duty is to protect younger one. Tell your younger child to always listen to their elder brother or sister, to share things as well as problems with them and to give respect to the older sibling.
Sibling arguments and fights are a normal issue, thus parents should not interfere all the time unless the argument goes unethical, abusive or violent. Know when to come in between and after every fight, do not always burden your elder child with the responsibility of being the understanding one, especially when they are not at the fault.
Thus, when scolding or correcting one child for his/her performance, behavior, grades or mistake, never appreciate the other one or compare him/her to the other one.
Open communication, ample of time, love and equal affection is the key to keep sibling rivalry to a normal level.
